Real
by spare
Summary: Yet another Xellos/Filia fanfic. Warning of extreme mushiness! You have been warned -_-.


Disclaimer: I don't own the Slayers Character, I don't own Xellos and Filia, I don't own anything, blah, blah, blah... All I have is this story. No lawsuits, please. I'm too young and penniless to be worth the trouble, anyway.  
Author's Ramblings: Filia's OOC, yeah, this fic is just too damn mushy to exist. Can't help it, can't you tell I'm a sucker for romance? ^_^ If you don't like the Xellos/Filia pairing, don't read. Don't say I didn't warn you...  
  
- REAL -  
  
It's been a year since we parted ways, when I and my companions saved the world. That great adventure changed my life, from a rather naive dragon priestess, into someone... different. Stronger, I think. Braver. I have since then given up my position in the temple and chose to live an ordinary enough life among humans. I have opened a small pottery shop and tea house in a city quite far from Sayruun, far from that place of memories that remind me so much about them. About him.  
  
Him. I can't stop thinking about him. No matter how hard I try, I always find my thoughts drifting to that one person. The one person I couldn't, shouldn't love.   
  
It's worse when I'm alone, with nothing to do.   
  
I smile gratefully at Jiras and Gravos as they close the shop for the night. I could never ask for better assistants, business partners. Even though Jiras had never gotten over calling me 'sis' all the time.   
  
Val's egg lay in a swath of linen blankets upstairs, us awaiting for that great day that he'd be reborn to the world. Every night I sing softly to him, a melody I had made up not long after that fateful journey. I climbed the stairs, my two other companions nodding familiarly as I left.   
  
I sing softly to the unborn dragon enclosed within a wicker basket. I poured up all the love I felt that moment into the melody, reaching deep into my soul.   
  
It didn't take long before tears suddenly welled up in my eyes, and I had to stop singing as I felt the salty taste of them on my mouth, falling freely down my lap. This is the only time I could allow myself to weep.  
  
I have become good at hiding my feelings. I have learned to keep up that cheerful and kindly disposition in front of customers and good friends. Lina and the others would visit me once every other month, to see how well I was doing, and keep up with old times. I gladly accede, and we'd spend hours talking, reminiscing.   
  
Then just when I thought I have done well in my charade my face will falter, the smile on my face will waver, and they would notice, and ask what was wrong. I couldn't tell them, and they won't tell me. But I could see the question in their eyes. Is it him, Filia?   
  
But it would pass, and I just shake my head apologetically, making up some excuse or other, and I am back to my 'normal' self again. Yes, I am good with hiding feelings, aren't I? I must have gotten that from you.   
  
Namagomi. Baka. Mazoku.   
  
Why did it have to be you?   
  
In my dreams I could see you, hold you, touch you. I could love you. And you would love me back.   
  
I know that would never happen. Your kind couldn't possibly feel love, could they? Could you?   
It's not fair. I have tried my best to hate you. I have good reason to hate you. You killed off thousands of my race. Even now, our two races still hate each other, are born and live to hate each other.  
  
And still you have the gall to grin that fruitcake smile of yours to my face.   
  
You loved to annoy me then, didn't you? You love to see my face red with rage, as I pull out my mace and chase you off to the next town, intending to bash you senseless with it. I call you all kinds of foul names. I even managed to irritate you a couple of times, and quietly congratulated myself for that small victory. I had to make it clear to everyone that I hated your gut. I put up a good act, don't I? I tried so hard.   
  
I remember the first time we met. You surprised me. The moment I sensed you, the minute I saw you... You weren't what -- who -- I expected. How could you smile like that all the time? How could you act so pleasant and refined? How could you seem so innocent, even endearing at times? How could I be so attracted and drawn to you at first sight?   
  
But my heart breaks with the knowledge you would never, ever love me. And I cry inwardly at the thought. I have only fallen in love with that cheery facade of yours, haven't I? That eternally grinning, extremely irritating person who saved me from those falling rocks wasn't the real you. It must be just another act for you. Another invariable role to play. I have fallen in love with a mask. Or have I? Why then, even when I saw what you could do, even when I saw that coldness in your eyes, I still felt for you? Even when I know you could easily kill me if you wanted to? Why do I still love you?  
  
It's getting worse. Even now, in my room, I could almost imagine you standing there in the corner, hidden in the shadows cast from the candle light. I could almost even feel your presence. But I know it's just wishful thinking as my tired eyes fall shut and I drift off to sleep.  
  
I start dreaming. I see you standing by my bed, those amethyst eyes of yours gazing down on me. Something's strange about your eyes. I could almost see... sincerity in them. Why do you look at me like that?   
  
You reach out and take my hand in yours. Your fingers stroke my cheeks as I stare at you, my heart beating so fast. Warm. Your touch is warm and gentle. I smile at you. You smile back. Your eyes remain open.   
  
This dream is the most vivid I've ever had about you. I hear love drives some people insane. In my case, that's true. Everything feels so real... Your hand on my cheek. Your steady breathing. If this was a dream, I thought, I plan to make the most of it.   
  
"Xellos?" There is a hint of uncertainty in my voice.   
  
You bend forward suddenly, and I am gathered up in strong arms. You hug me tight, and I find my arms around you. I am surprised by how real this all feels, how warm you feel against me...  
  
"If this is a dream, Xellos, I don't want to wake up," I whisper happily against your ear, my head and heart giddy from your touch.   
  
You smile at me -- was that amusement in your eyes? You hug me even closer, until I could feel the faint beating of your own heart.   
  
"Iie, Filia-chan, this isn't a dream."   
  
I give a start. Realization dawned in my eyes. I break free from our embrace and look at you, really look at you... Real.   
  
You revert to that fruitcake grin and wag your gloved finger at me. "Is this the part where you'll ask me to pinch you to make sure you're awake? I don't really feel like irritating you right now, you know."  
  
I sit up straight. You open your eyes once again, gazing at me so intently I forgot all about my initial shock from before. "This is real..."  
  
That was the last thing I remembered saying before I melted back into your arms again, and you leaned in so close your face was inches from mine, and our lips met for the very first time. And the feeling hidden within it was very, very real. 


End file.
